The things that a three year old feels are worth a phone call; or indeed a session of show and tell.
So recently we’ve been lucky enough to go on a few days out, the Pinterest type of parenting, educational, fun, and littered with idyllic photo opportunities. But essentially what I have learnt whilst delving into the intricate workings of a three year olds mind is that Pinterest means jack shit to him. And all those things I think he’ll remember forever are the things he can’t recall ten minutes later. But the things of note, the things he’d call home about that’s where things get interesting….
A few weeks ago we went to London to visit family and have a day out at the national History Museum; we did brilliant stuff. Splash pads in dappled sunshine with cousins, parks with zip wires and milkshakes with lashings of cream. The pinnacle of our trip being a day at the National History Museum – Dinosaurs, sea turtles, whales and elephants, sights at every turn that caused chattering at a hundred words a minute. Yet when we got home and Mr B asked what we had done this was the incredibly animated answer he got….
…”Mummy made me wee in a bottle in the car, it was really cool”
As I said perfect parenting is lost on him, all the organised fun faded into all insignificance when he pissed in a bottle whilst we were pulled over in the outer circle of Regents Park. The initial call for a wee came whilst on the south circular, basically not an option and to my relief we didn’t need to dice with death on the double red lines as he said he could hold on. However 10 minutes later things had got to breaking point and he could hold no longer. We’re big fans of a wild wee in this house; living in the country means that a wild wee is often a necessity. However in central London alongside houses worth upwards of 10 million doing a wild wee isn’t an option. I considered sitting him on a nappy, then spied an empty water bottle.
Persuading a three year old to wee in a bottle isn’t the tall order I’d expected. As the kit was in place and the weeing began I got the first hint this was pretty bloody cool in my toddlers eyes when he said: “can we take a picture and send it to Daddy?” I quickly answered “No love I’m not taking a picture of you weeing in a bottle”.
When he’d finished he asked if we could take the bottle home to show Daddy his wee. Again the answer was no as I found a bin to dispose of said wee. He then cried because I’d thrown the wee away. Talk about message in a bottle… Hi Daddy so nice to see you we’ve missed you, here’s a bottle of piss to show you just how much we care!!??
The lesson in all of this being: boys really do dig the icky shit, and he’s probably going to need to poo in a box to top this on our next trip!!!!