@Child #1 @School

Not a fan….

July 27, 2016

School tester days with a needy kid…

So we did it last week, finally after weeks of hearing of my friend’s children loving their tester sessions at school and being really excited about the prospect of starting in September, it was finally the go of my little August baby to trial school…

And true to expectations he did not intend to trial anything – regardless of persuasion by me, his new teacher (who is beyond lovely and hopefully gets my style of honest shall we say brash honest parenting) and the class teaching assistant (also bloody lovely, how do schools manage to find all the lovely people to employ!?) he was not staying!

Ten minutes later I was scurrying down the corridor not looking back having shaken the boy from my leg like a pesky piece of seaweed in the sea. His lovely teacher reiterating my “I’m OK leaving him like this in a big old hot mess” with an “Oh I’m ok you leaving him in a hot mess, I just don’t like to drag children off mums in case they aren’t OK leaving the hot mess” – as I said I think she’s wonderful!

I had planned to do stuff with my first 1hr 45 minutes of three year old freeness in quite some time but the weepy hot mess of a boy child had shaved 50 minutes off that time with his antics – so I decamped for a cup of tea at my mums and left the stuff for another day – Gratzia and a Costa can wait till the nursery vouchers kick in for Miss Penny and the boy is thoroughly locked into the education system.

Upon returning I was greeted with a happy smiley boy and the lovely Teacher and Classroom Assistant telling me how he’d had a lovely time after I left; and what a vivid imagination he has! “Oh fuck, what has he said” went through my mind, I did manage to withhold the swearing in this moment however (will save that for term two maybe, ease myself in gently, black marks on the first meeting aren’t in the plan).

He’ll love it I know he will. It is after all a sneaky mind game for the first year or so. When they think they are playing whilst those jolly clever lovely humans called teachers brainwash them with all this wonderful learning stuff, that shapes and moulds them in a way I can only dream of. Seemingly he no longer responds when I use his name anymore let alone ask him to perform a task like putting his shoes on. Maybe they’ll have more luck?

I’m just not so sure how keen he’s going to be when he realises this is it. The 9-5 (well 9 – 3.20)­ life has begun and that’s it now until he’s old and grey; and has been savvy enough with property or maybe gold bullions he can retire and sip gin in a shady garden somewhere (living my own fantasy out through my child much!?). As he left the tester session his parting comment to me on school was “I don’t think I’ll like to come back to school Mummy, I’m not a fan”! September is going to be fun…



If you enjoyed this post and any of my other twitterings I wonder if you’d be so kind as to take some time to nominate me for the mumsnet blogging awards? The nominations are open and being a little fish in a very big pond with some massive fish in it I need your nominations please…

I don’t vlog and I don’t campaign but I do write and I do try to keep things light and funny, I hope you find my musings amusing so if you would be so kind as to put me forward for best comic writer I’d be so very very grateful.

Here is the link for you to follow to vote:


and here is the link to my blog you’ll need to put in the nomination field:


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