Tall tales and Parenting fails….

October 6, 2016

I stumbled upon the first rule in playground etiquette today (well a another parent took pity on my cluelessness and gave me the hint):

Mention no child’s name except your own when chatting about what goes on in the classroom!

You cannot and should not discuss any other child in the playground, you will offend people. You will worry people unnecessarily, you’ll make more work for the teachers, just smile and wave!

There is a reason when your child has had a good bashing from another you are told on the injury sheet ‘another’ child did it – no names are mentioned!

I just missed the big old hint/tip from the education system not to do so myself….

I’m embarking on this next step of the parenting journey like a 14 year old girl I just want to fit in, I want the school mums to like me, to like my child, to invite him on play dates. I’m needy. Always have been. Sad I know, I wish I could be more like Mr B who really doesn’t give a rats arse what anyone else thinks. (Why on earth is she harping on about her life on the internet to be judged by the trolls I hear you say, well I’m a narcissist too it seems! She of many flaws and all that)

So needy old me when she feels nervous and a little uncomfortable babbles, and more often than not try’s to be funny! (I imagine this is where The Boy gets his crowd pleasing tendencies from) In this instance reeling off a tale of my child and his nonchalance towards the thinking step and his tales of having ‘mates’ there with him, of it being too full with ‘mates’ so he had to sit in the floor! These tales may be OK at home with your fam-a-lam, with your mates of old, not at the school gates. Nope not there, there you should make polite chit chat, say how are you, and try very hard not to say ‘oh fuck no I forgot it’.

I’m petrified my child is going to fail due to my total ineptness as a parent and the school will shortly discover I’ve done a below average job for the last four years. Sure I’m a working mum I juggle a lot I can appease myself with the line. But truth be told I think the only reason he’s able to string a sentence together and write his name is due to the days he spends with Granny whilst I work! None of the good stuff is me and now the bad stuff is coming out, and that’s so obviously me!

I’m the first to blame my child when shit goes down, it’s maybe unfair, but most of the time he is to blame. As such I’ve been a bit blasé about the thinking step it seems (it was an expected eventuality in my mind Houdini would be on the step at some point), other mums maybe not so much!

And so to the thinking step I go! It’s not a naughty step any more, I’m told the word naughty is a bit of a well naughty word in education today and so if the children don’t make good choices they sit on a thinking step. I get it, I can totally see why they’re shying away from naughty, negative connotations and all that, but it seems my child thinks the thinking step is cool!

This is going one of two ways from what I can deduce:

  1. Houdini is a child that’s pushing the boundaries and finding his feet in this new environment (being a little shit) and as such is spending a considerable amount of time ‘thinking’ about his bad choices (when questioned he tells us he’s been on the thinking step most days)
  1. He’s an epic storyteller (in kid terms a fibber) and hasn’t actually been on said step, or maybe not quite as many times as he professes to have been.

For me option 2 is more concerning as if this is the case then the thinking step is as I suspected not a place my child fears, but somewhere the cool kids hang.

For the time being I’m going to hand over to the more adult adults (teacher & teachers assistants) in this situation and take their lead, I imagine if it’s a big issue they will let me know; and for the time being that’s all you’ll hear of the thinking step. I’m off there now to think about my bad choices…..



I’ve just been shortlisted for the Mumsnet blogging awards 2016 in the Best Writer & Best Comic Writer categories.

So if you like reading my blog and you have 98 seconds to spare then use the links below to vote for me to be a finalist! A huge thanks to all those who nominated me, I’m still beyond excited about being shortlisted, thank you thank you thank you!



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